So, alright.

Yesterday I talked to Jose and we basically got my problems down to a point. I tried to do everything perfect and to please him way too much. And by doing that I stopped being myself in fear that he'll find a flaw in me. So I lost a lot of my personality. I'm still gonna keep up a lot of my plans. Cause I figure if I'm doing things I want to do I'll start to be more myself. I'm like trapped in this void of I don't know. I force myself into not making opinions and not caring which makes me not.. be me, or like even have a defining factor that is me? Like I've lost who I am. But I'm on a mission to fix things and be normal again. Which is strange cause I was trying to kind of seek "normal" this past year. Like I changed from looking like a cute short emo boy to like a trying to hard normal/indie style girl who looks like she's 12. When I'm 17... yeah. d; pfft. That's what I gotta say.

So some things I wanna change is that I want to cut my hair so it's short again. I am looking forward to a new piercing. One day in the future I will get a tattoo. I will go back to being a vegetarian. And I will start running cause that's important to me.

Yesterday we went to Chile's. I had the Caribbean salad (shrimp, small) The chicken small is supposedly like a under 750 cal meals. I would think shrimp was less calories? also considering there was only 4 of them, they're grilled with seasonings on uhm and their the small ones. Well I only ate like half of it so it was less in calories anyways. But I shared cheesy fries with Jose. Only a half order but, bah. And I had some of his fries. And like 3 glasses of sweetened tea. d; I probably ended up like 1,600 - 2,000 calorie range yesterday v.v makes me sad. But today I'll probably have a ton less! cause I'm starting my vegetarian stuff (well I'm the type of vegetarian that eats fish d; cause I love my fishies.) and I'm probably mainly eating at my house today cause Jose goes to work! his first like actual day (: happy for him. I won't see him like at all today d; But I have to clean my room and probably will start my "work" as well. Doing extra chores around the house everyday for like 50dollars a month (including gas money, leaves me with like 20$ extra.) One thing I want to do is walk/run to where I need to go or take my bike and have Jose take me everywhere XD baha. Well I'm not like gonna force him, it just ends up when I usually go out somewhere I go with him d; so yeah.

Okay I'm getting hungry. Haven't eaten yet, I don't like skipping breakfast v.v So hopefully I'll have a way better day eating wise then yesterday! Good luck with anything you're dealing with (:

<3 -Audri