update

I've been eating like a normal person. Sooner or later somethings going to trigger me back but I'm thinking that I'm "raising my metabolism" and "it'll be fine, you won't gain" and things of that nature. I can see it though...

I did yoga this morning and sit ups. I want to start doing that every morning. At least I'll feel like I'm doing something and it might help with whatever stress that I have.

Speaking of stress, those plans I wrote up didn't go as I hoped. I'm still technically getting things done, it's just not the way I want to and I'm procrastinating way too much. (cough cough like now.) But I also want to do more. Like I should study German independently so I can get this stuff better. And of course Anatomy I could be preparing for all the time. Same thing with History.

I should get a job too but I'm kind of just waiting till the second half of the year(school year). Maybe then I'll have things down and under control.

Plus there's Jose. Oh my love.

I need to go onto the college website and figure out everything I need to get done. I'm kind of wanting to go out of state. You know, start new. Plus I think I need to be pushed into the situation. Like if I'm not almost forced to get a job or forced to move out I'll probably abuse the situation. I need to know what tests I should take/take again. How smart I need to be.

Don't even get me started on what I want my major to be. ugh. I'm still kind of thinking dietitian. It'll be alright...

I kind of just am overwhelmed with all these things. I also hate that my response is to not think about it, put it off, and sleep away my thoughts.

I don't want to fail at this.

Why can't I handle the things that everyone else seems to handle with ease.. Why couldn't I have been able to pick almost any school that I wanted.. Why have I rushed into this faster then I needed too.. Why am I trying to hold on so dearly to childhood.. and why do I feel like I'm going to loose everything.

People don't like change.

Why Hello

Things I've realized/learned this week.
- I've lost weight. And I do look better then I did months ago.
- I want to incorporate exercising into my day.
- Life isn't so bad when you let yourself eat a little and stop worrying.
- I need to give Jose room so that he won't get sick of me. Plus it will make him happy. And that's what I live for.
- Giving him more time alone will give me more time alone where I can get work done and fit in exercise time.
- Don't worry so much. Everything will be alright and in the long run it won't matter so much.
- Failure leads to recognizing your downfalls and therefor doing better in the future.

Plans for this weekend

wants
- Go on college website thing.
- Possibly run or exercise Friday night, more if possible.
- Message Sam back

Friday
- Get new Pants
- AP US: Notes 7.1
- Anatomy: Read ch. 3
- Pre Calc: Worksheet 5.5
- Econ: Read Ch. 2

Saturday
- AP US: Notes 7.2 and Questions for 7.1
- Anatomy: Notes/note cards for ch. 3
- Gov't: Pick topic for paper

Sunday
- AP US: Notes 7.3 and Questions for 7.2
-Econ: Review Chapter (end of chapter questions)


*Little update*
Got 2 pairs of new pants, yoga pants, 2 long sleeve t's and a button up plaid shirt too. I was excited, I fit into zeros. it's Old Navy so they run kind of big but still. It was cool. but Jose ruined that small little happy moment by saying that it was "ew". Basically calling me gross. They fit like my other pants, just a little tighter, what's the big deal? Made me angry. On top of that he gave me sarcastic one word answers and didn't respond when I told him "have a good day at work, love you babe" even though he had plenty of time to. Hopefully he's not spiteful and not send me a text when he's on break. :/ Guess I shouldn't have send "uhh okay or not.." afterward but this whole week he just has seemed like pissed with me except for the times when he doesn't want to which usually leads to him annoying the crap out of me by tickling me or things like that or if he wants sex. So lose lose situation for me. I mean sex is nice and all, just not when he ignores me afterward and I feel completely used. ugh. My mom is making yummy stir fry tonight. I don't care the calories. Not right now. I'll worry later. Or maybe not at all. Just as long as I can still fit in my new jeans. I'll start exercising. It'll be all good.

Things not to mention to Jose: If I'm hungry, how much I ate that day, how much I might want to eat for later, if I'm happy or not with my weight, how much exercise I did, if I'm looking for a job, amount of school work, my worries about school
and that's about it.
Not like I'm trying to hide anything from him, if he asks, I'll give an honest response, it just seems that those are the things in my life that stress him. So none of that. I'm trying to do what he wants here. And stressing him out is not one of them.

blah whatever, hope everyone is doing good. Even though nobody reads this but that's alright, maybe someday.

9/20

Pudding - 120

fruit cup - 80

half red skin potato - 50

Hawaiian roll - 100

misc stuff - 50

I guess I decided I should stop because Jose doesn't want me to continue. so 1,000 cals a day. or well make room for whatever dinner is. :/ I'll be fine. Just think, I'll be fine.

Chipotle - 625

Total: 1025

Dreadful Sunday

I'm really not liking today simply for the fact I have to do hours of homework and tomorrow is Monday and there's so much food I can eat, bah.

Bagel with butter - 190cal
Apple Juice - 150cal

I'm going to a clam bake. Mentioned it yesterday I think, only gonna eat clams.

Dozen Clams - 130
(11cal per clam)

Probably won't eat anything afterward. Hopefully.

Total - 600 (if I have 2 dozen clams)

There's these buffalo chicken wings that are just calling to me in the fridge though. I'm rounding it to 100cal each. there's at least 5.

I'm suspecting that next week is going to be hard to restrict. Still gonna try with the "have a normal good breakfast" and base it off of that. There's not much in my house to eat so hopefully that will help.

Hope everyone is doing lovely and had a great weekend!

Okay. uhh. update.
I ate
bagel with butter, apple juice, slice of pizza, 3 wings, ice cream, artichoke heart cheese stuffed fried ball thing, few chips, dozen clams, crab legs, butter with those things, little more then half a ear of corn, a few halves of red skin potatoes, few bites of Cole slaw, a few fries, water.

Three lines worth of food.

Dunno the calories, not going to try and calculate. I said "I will be happy today. I will eat and be merry. I will ignore my homework and finish the weekend off nicely." and that is how it went.
No worries. or it will ruin what I wanted.

It's no big deal. One day. Tomorrow I will be back to normal and everything will go smoothly.

I will work real hard all week and have another relaxing weekend. Catch up on some sleep, possibly get ahead in school work when Jose has work on Friday and Saturday.

Everything will work out great and be perfect.

I'm not doing so hot today.
Yogurt - 100cal
bagel - 140cal
with butter - 50cal
Total: 290 -(12:30pm)

And there's a possibility of pizza, wings, and something at a restaurant.

Oh goodness I just accepted an invitation to Denny's. I know I will have hot tea (no sugar ;) water and, well, let me look at their nutrition info.... I'm gonna go insane. It would be better if I was okay with eating more then like 200cal at a time.

Okay. biscuit and gravy with egg. - 430cal I think it said. I'll live. I'll try.
Only allowed to have one piece of pizza (250cal) tonight.
and if we go out for appetizers don't get a dessert and pick what is probably the most healthy. or convince him to get taco bell.

omg. It totals to more then I had in two days this past week.....

update: it was a fun day, Jose got me a bracelet to match the necklace he gave me last Christmas. (: kind of a late anniversary gift. I danced a lot and stuff so hopefully burned off a good amount of calories. geez I think my stomach just growled. I had a square piece of cheese pizza, carrots and a few celery sticks, The buffalo chicken raps from Denny's and no calories drinks. Plus my breakfast stuff. Doesn't sound like a lot of food but the calories are out of control. Whatever. It doesn't matter. I was 106.5 still today. I'm happy that I'm maintaining. Tomorrow I'm only gonna eat clams at the clam bake. And diet soda or water. I've been getting used to sugarless tea too. Small breakfast. It'll all be cool. I won't look at the scale till Monday or Tuesday. No big deal. And I've been working so hard lately. My body needs a little restriction break. I'll eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. Well for tomorrow. Plus I need to get a lot of homework done and I don't need food stress x)

Hope you all had a great day/weekend!

Just Stop.

I ate a burger. who knows the calories.
I've been failing my boyfriend to keep him happy this week.
Just couldn't do anything right.
I've been trying.
School is stressing me like crazy.
I don't feel good.
And I can't complain about. Can't show my feelings to him. Cause I know he's 10x worse.
Just gotta pretend.
whatever.

I have some problems.
anxiety and control issues.

and the funny thing is a year ago I wasn't like this at all and now I can't even control myself. I can't calm down, I can't stop worrying, I can't stop thinking.

I hate it.

I can't even talk to him to comfort myself, he was too tired to walk me to the door let alone wake up to my texts...

I don't want to fail. I can't mess up.

I think it all spiraled out of control when Jose told me "well when I found the flaws of my past girlfriends it's what made me break up with them."

I'm afraid I won't be good enough. I just want to be perfect for him. Do everything right. But when I try it makes him angry. I don't know why.

well I guess it's because I'm not being myself. I'm just his little wife ish person.

It doesn't change the fact that I want to make him happy. That's all I want to do.

I fucking can't.

half the time he doesn't want to be with me, he's annoyed by me, I try to help and he just wants me to stop and leave him alone.

The next he wants to be lovey and hold me and talk to me.

I can't read his mind.
I wish I could so I would do the right thing...

"why aren't you being cuddly and cute?"
or silence and ignoring me.

my heart hurts.

I wanna stop crying.

I'm glad no one reads this because it's pitiful.

I don't want to feel like I'm fat anymore.

I'm pretty sure I'm getting worse because I actually thought I looked good last year at this weight.

It's not good enough now.

I don't like being busy.

He was right. I'm a complete stick in the mud and don't like anyone. I try.

I can't make friends.

Such.
A.
Fucking.
Burden.

I need to stop.

I hate myself so much, I hate all of this.

Why can't I be a normal person.

I don't even feel like I can go to homecoming tomorrow.
I can't dance.
I don't know the songs.
I can't sing.
I don't have friends to talk to.
He hates PDA anyways.
I'm not pretty enough to dance with.
I just do everything wrong.
Fucking wasted $15.
He needs that money.
I can't be selfish, I don't work hard like he does.
He's even eating less then me...
probably lost a lot of weight too.
I want that for him.
But why can't I do it too? I wanted to do it with him.
His friend is there to talk..
he's tired. I'm too selfish.
My nose hurts.
I need to sleep.

But I can't, my eyes won't stop and my nose won't stop. I do want to talk. But about what. all my fuck ups?

stopstopstopstopstop.

Homecoming

Well it's homecoming weekend. We're having a parade to throw candy out to kids. I'm on the float for robotics club. oh yes. Nerds all the way.

Fruit Cup - 80cal
yogurt - 100cal
rice - 120ish
... 300cal?
I had a sucker too. so however many calories that was. My muscles hurt though, I need some meat. but I shouldn't.. we'll see what happens.
I'll weigh myself tomorrow. my scale sucks so I gotta go to Joses.

busybusybusybusy.

My anatomy test got pushed back, yay. but now I'll probably have way too much work to do on Monday. boo procrastination.

Hope everyone is doing great. much love.

break the fast

I ate too much breakfast.

English Muffin - 110
egg - 70
cheese - 60
sausages - 195
total = 435

Guess what that means! no food for the rest of the day, deal?
I'll probably weigh myself again tomorrow. Hopefully still 106 or lower. Do you think I could hit 105 by Saturday?

I felt bad for my body. Plus I know I can ignore hunger after I ate again. d: I know I'm a loser..
Lean Pocket - 250
total = 685

better then the past two days though so all and all good. (yesterday I also had a banana so +100cal)

alright!

106.5lbs (:
610cal total (still got 6 hours though in the day) not so good. but it's alright!

Just trying to rehydrate myself cause I haven't been drinking enough water :/ Plus getting stuff done. I'm almost to a new low. It's exciting.

Hope everyone is doing awesome!

busy body

I don't know if I'll have time to make this all cool. :/ I'll find time eventually.

B: yogurt: 110cal
English Muffin: 110cal
Cheese Slice: 80cal
L: Life Water (:
S: V-8: 70cal
Lean Pocket: 180cal
D: Broccoli & cauliflower soup: 200cal?

Didn't really want to eat this much today but I have a lot of work to do and I need to have my mind off of food and more on my studies. So much work to do. I don't know how I'm going to fit everything in this week. Here's a good thought: Spend less time eating, more time being busy! Alright. Lets do this! x)

Mondays

I had sushi this morning, mainly because I had to eat it before it got bad. I knew I was gonna have kind of a shitty day so I decided to not eat for the rest of the day. so far so good but I still got 9 hours left before I sleep. I guess it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I don't think I did good on my history test though. I'm disappointed about that. I'm pretty sure I did good on my essay but you can't bullshit multiple choice questions. There goes my 100% in that class. d; I like the beginning of grading periods cause it's nice to have 100% in classes. I still have all A's though (I know, it's only the 3rd or 4th week of school) but I feel pretty good about it though.

I only had a bite of chicken when we went up to McDonalds with friends. Jose made me. Less than 3 and a half hours left. he's sleeping so hopefully we'll get out of dinner. If not I'll have as little as possible saying I have no appetite and my stomach hurts. lets hope. the sushi was at least 300 calories. Probably closer to 500 actually. That's enough for one day. And about the diet plan, those for days when I don't eat less. make any sense?

I went the rest of the night without food, yay. Lets see how I feel tomorrow, I think I'm always going to start off with a good healthy breakfast. It'll at least kick my metabolism in gear for the day. Sorry for the weird format. I think I'm going to change basically everything (visually) about my blog tomorrow. that is if I don't have too much hw. well good night and have wonderful days tomorrow!

Diet plan and what not. It's weak i knowww

Beverages
- water (9 cups)
- green tea

Food
- almonds
- spicy before sweet
- veggies
-fruits
- try to have little amount of carbs (except fruit)
- fish/seafood over meat (little as possible meat)
-dairy (within reason)

Exercise
- 30min cardio each day
- every other day work your core (planks, sit-ups of all styles, +squats)

Food No-No’s
- cabbage
- legumes
- Broccoli
- cauliflower
- apples
- “sugar free” items
- other bloat-y foods

Schedule
- Breakfast: 300-450cal
- water bottle during school
- lunch: 200-400cal, green tea
- exercise
-Snack: 50-200cal, water
-Dinner: 300-500cal, water
Total range: 850 – 1550cal

I'll go with this for a while and see how things go. If I gain I'll change it. I want a flat tummy and a high metabolism.

"Don't become anorexic D:"

I said I won't. I like food too much and told him about my failed attempt to not eat.

Wouldn't it be pretty if I got to the double digits.

Why does it have to be wrong. No, really. Why is it so wrong to want to be thin? Well it isn't. but it becomes wrong when you're already "thin" and the only way to lose weight is to not eat as much as you burn off.

And why does it have to be so hard.

I should work out so I won't die when the zombies come... =.= (yes I'm joking, I doubt there will ever be zombies but hey, endurance is the one thing that will save your life. and a gun.)

I had Chinese food last night, ate a portion of it, got home and heated up the rest of it, only ate like half or less of that cause I was full. I purposefully left it out so I couldn't eat it. yay for me, it's now out of my life.

I'm kind of confused with life. oh crap I have a history test tomorrow. It's Sunday. bah.

okay. I am going to create a diet. the "destroy the fat person" diet. o.O

I'll post the rules later.

ahaaa

you thought I was serious? naaawwww.

I fail. I know.

I'm gonna be playing it safe till I come up with someeethinggg.

soup(100), peanut butter crackers(130?), pizza(470), Hawaiian roll(100) and there's probably more to come.

Just wait until your hungry. geez. control yourself.

It's one of those days where I want to stuff my face with everything.

Everything.

Maybe I'll try again tomorrow but ugh v.v I just really don't know how I can deal with myself at times. I'm so annoying.

it doesn't help I didn't tell jose.

bah.

and I was so happy I was 107 this morning....

FD1

So yes, hello to all of you great girls. Today is day one of my fast. I haven't really had a good time to ask Jose about it. So as of right now he's blissfully sleeping away under his black sheets. I'll talk about all that stuff in a sec. I think I'll be able to do it today. My parents are going to this clam bake / art festival thing and I don't have to go. yay. that has the evening covered. I'm not sure about this morning/afternoon though. I'm at Jose's house and he probably won't eat breakfast and will probably just snack on stuff for lunch. lets hope. I should start drinking some water.

Weight: 107lbs on the dot. (I was surprised by this because I thought I was averaging 110 but yesterday or the day before I was 108.5 in the middle of the day after eating. so. I guess it's pretty accurate.)

Yesterday (Friday) Jose stayed home from school and was sick. He barely ate anything, mainly just stayed in bed or on the couch. He tossed his cookies a few times, the whole shabang. But today he's feeling better so no need to worry (: I asked my parents last night if I could stay a little later then normal so I can comfort him and take care of him. My moms response was "we understand, you can stay the night if his parents are alright with it." his parents were sleeping and I'm not quiet sure what they think at the moment (if they ask I got here at 7ish) and everything is kind of working out. I love my parents x) the first actual night I was allowed to stay over. it was nice. even though he hogged the blankets and we had the air conditioning on. I eventually got a blanket though. x) so that was my night!

Love ya all, ya keep me inspired.

-Audri

A new plan? why yes indeed.

Until Saturday I will eat healthy things in decent proportions. Also following along with the "eat when I'm actually hungry" idea. Kind of in hopes of giving my metabolism a good healthy regular amount of energy so it can work at its best.

This is in preparation of a week long fast. I'm basically saying "fuck it" to health. sort of. People can go a week without food. It's really no big deal. And I want to super clean my system.
If my parents find out, my reasoning behind it will be: I've been getting stomach aches and it always seemed to happen after I eat so naturally it makes me want to not eat and I've been feeling kind of stressed with school and haven't always found the time to eat. Plus then when I started to think about it I thought maybe I should just take a tiny eating break to give my stomach a rest and really clean it out good with just water and stuff (in hopes to get rid of the stomach aches). blah blah blah.

The only reason I won't do it is if Jose won't let me. I'm going to tell him cause then he'll probably end up helping me. Like he can eat a large snack after school and so he won't be hungry for dinner so I won't need to like be in an awkward, I have to eat, situation. I think he'll be okay with it. I might try and convince him to do it with me.

Rules of the Week-Long Fast
- Only allowed to have zero calorie drinks. (water, diet/no sugar added tea, life water, ect.)
- Take calcium tablets in the morning. (my birth control depletes calcium in my body, there's nothing wrong with strong bones, and calcium is used in muscle contractions.)
- blog about how I feel that day and my weight

Yup. that's about all now that I'm thinking about it. But here are some thoughts I'll keep in mind considering this is my first fast.
- Don't put pressure on yourself to exercise (to avoid any obvious negative reactions)
- Don't be disappointed if you don't loose any/loose a small amount. (Even if it's only a pound that's better then nothing.)
- If you fail half way through, it's not a big deal. At least you tried and have now experienced what it's like and how difficult it is.
- if for some reason I feel like I'm going to die or if it's majorly taking a toll on my grades, stop!
- when you come off of the fast, eat only vegetables for the first day, vegetables and tiny bit of meat the second, veggies, small meat, small fruit for the third and then after that restrict and stay away from carbs and dairy. (basically eat small bites and gradually introduce it to the system again. like for example the first day back I'll eat 1 carrot. If that makes me hungry then I'll eat 1 more, wait a small amount of time, still hungry? have another. basically eat when I'm actually hungry. don't binge, even if it's healthy. go slow, take your time.)

Those are all basically just for me to keep in mind. If anyone wants to join me or has any good tips then please share, always willing and would love to talk to any of you :)
-Audri

I want to be.

I want to be a cute, small, fashion-forward, independent girl. I want my own cute little apartment that's next to everything I need. I want to be able to walk or ride my bike everywhere. I want to get up in the morning, eat a small breakfast, prepare a bento box for lunch, go for a morning jog, get myself and my love ready for the day and go off to the job I love. I want to be able to pick up fresh groceries on the way home. I want to prepare a lovely dinner for me and him. I want to cuddle up in bed and enjoy a book with a hot cup of tea while he watches TV next to me. I want things to be simple and beautiful and relaxing and perfect.

I don't want to worry about food. I don't want to be materialistic and waste my money on unnecessary expensive TV's and Computers and cars and redecorating every year. I don't want a lawn. I don't want a kid till I'm at least 29. I don't want a lot of animals, only a husky when I'm older and maybe some fish.

I will enjoy cleaning every Saturday. I will be fluent in Japanese. I will be a good cook. I will me nice and sweet. I will loving and supportive to him. I will have plants. I will not worry. I will be in control and have everything down to a T.

Simplistic.

I know I know

I know I just posted but I just feel like writing so listen! I'm really thirsty all of a sudden. I really need to keep up with water intake but it's kinda hard at school, I never like to go during class and the breaks between classes are too short so I've gotten into the habit of not going doing school and just waiting till home. The only problem with this is when I drink a whole water bottle by like 11 I have 3 hours till I get home. I just rather not drink a whole lot, it's easier.

I'm pretty tired. I got a lot of stuff done this morning and me and Jose went out to eat and went to the mall. It was kind of a sucky anniversary. I wonder if I could convince him to sleep over. hmm :/ He doesn't really care too much about actually sleeping with another person, he actually prefers to sleep alone. I'm completely different of course x) I think his whole problem is that he needs space, his preferred blankets and pillows and not to be bothered. His bed is too small so that gets in the way with the room thing. My bed fits us perfectly but it's not his pillows and blankets (even though I think he secretly likes them cause every time he's over he somehow falls asleep.) and I get up early. So I would bother him. But I love being with him. Not only just in general but I just feel so much better when I sleep with him. I never have any bad dreams, I wake up nice, it's warm, it's comfy. idk. I don't usually have a problem falling asleep but once I'm rested that's it. It's like okay whatever time to get up. there's no, oh let me sleep for just a little longer, but with him I'd picture it would be. oh blah it's all just talk. I still kinda just want to have a comfy day tomorrow with him though. I could probably convince him of that.

I'm stuffed to the rafters. is that the word you use in that saying? Well I'm still overly full. We were done eating at 2. It is now almost 7. I'm pretty sure I'm not eating again today. We had olive garden. I had this dish that had mussels, clams and shrimp in a sweet tomato and garlic sauce. It was supposed to have pasta with it but I don't like pasta. I have no idea how many calories it was. I know seafood is generally low in calories but that sauce could have has a lot of calories. Plus I had bread sticks and salad. Oh yeah, and dessert. I'm guessing around 1,000.. probably more. ugh v.v thinking about it makes me feel terrible. before that I only had 100 calories though.. if it was a normal day I would probably only have 500 but nah. I want to lose a few pounds by homecoming. I'd wear a dress. and I don't want to look like a slob.

I hate saying this but Jose needs to lose weight. v.v like it's getting kinda bad. Maybe I baby him too much, maybe I need to tell him to try and lose some weight. Over the summer I would always ask if he wants to exercise with me or diet with me. He never would. He wants to be happy. He enjoys food. But, there's a way to have yummy food and still lose weight. I mean he'd lose weight if he ate 1,500 calories and jogged for a half hour a day. talking to a girl who could fit 500 calories into a day and feel fine, 1,500 is a lot to work with. He could still have taco bell, he could have subway, he could even have a pop a day. It's just frustrating. Maybe he sees me stressing over food and calories so much that he just doesn't want to add that extra stress onto his life. I just want him to be happy. And deep down I don't think he is happy with himself. Food tastes good for only so long. The after effects can last a lifetime. I'm pretty sure he's gained about 60lbs since he met me. I feel terrible. Like really super bad. I feel like it's my fault v.v I mean yeah I gained a little weight too but I lost it. I've been maintaining. I can't force him to do anything though. maybe I can convince him to do it for like a week or two. I think if he saw some results then maybe.. idk v.v I just want to help him so bad. But no matter what I still love him. He's double my weight but I'm still attracted to him. ;sigh; d;

I wanted to get some flats but he doesn't like flats. like the shoe type... there were these cute $10 shoes (not flats). He liked uhm too. Not so much as the other kinds. idk. I just felt like I needed some new ones. I wonder when the mall closes.. I'm gonna go buy them now x)

I bought them! aha. So yeah. I'm now super tired. idk why it's only 8:30. I'm probably gonna study anatomy terms and fall asleep to discovery health.

sorry for the random ramble about the nonsense in my life! but oh well. Just felt like talkin.

x_x

Yesterday was good. I feel good today. But I'm in the mode where I know I need to eat. And if I try and not eat today I'll probably end up blowing it somehow so I should start in control and limits. idk. idk. ugh. I have to clean sooooo much. Everything is just messy. I hate it d; okay I just needed to share my frustration between my thoughts. We all wanna be thin but today I just don't think I can do it all that well. Maybe I'll do 1,000cal for the weekends and 500 for the weekdays. That will probably be good. Even if I did 1,000 everyday then I'd probably slowly lose weight. so I'm trying to stay positive! and I need some energy *-* My brain needs to work hard this weekend x) idk I'm making excuses lol but oh well. I hope all of you are doing well. Sorry for the two posts right in a row x) I feel bad for not blogging enough and then when I feel like I blog too much. bah. xD

have a good day -Audri

FGIF

Yeah it's friday woo! I'm going to spend it with a nice 4hour study session. yeeessss. But I'll relax with my baby afterward. That's my "reward" for doing it. Today has been good, 500cal limit again. I have no idea how I'm going to the smaller calorie limits. xD it's hard enough to accomplish this. Not like, control wise, I think I can handle it pretty well, but like tonight I hope I don't go over cause my mom might make me eat dinner or Jose might make me finish his fries from work and so on and so forth. Good news, I've only had 190(rounding it to 200 cause I always think I'm miscalculating) cals so far. It's almost 4pm. that's a whopping 300 for tonight! aha. My plan is to tell my mom that jose wants to go and get something after work cause he's sick of burgers. x) and my plan to tell jose is that I had a big dinner and I am not hungry! I kind of want to save 150cal just in case if we do go out, 99cent 150cal fresco taco at T-bell. I love them so much. Taco Bell is ridiculously cheap so that's all we ever go to anymore and 2 tacos for 300cal? that's awesome. I'm pretty sure you can't even get a small fry for 300cal. Always a good choice. So if any of you are craving american mexican food, I know chipotle is very tempting but even a salad there can range from 600-1000 cals. T-bell all the way! aha. So yes.

Tomorrow is our one year anniversary. He has work. But we have the afternoon together. Plus Sunday. So that's that. And I still have to study. So it's alrighty. Oh and I've been maintaining 110lbs since the time that I set that to be my goal. So that's good. I guess. I've also noticed, your body takes like 2 days to change. So like if you fast for 1 day, then eat a tiny bit the next day the morning after that you'll probably be feeling smaller and what not. It's weird idk. It's like I can eat like 4 pieces of pizza and the next day be normal weight and look alright but then a day or two later I might feel gross and fat and such. It's strange. I can't explain it. but I think it's true xD whatevaa

Keep goin girls -Audri

Weeee

long week! and I'm procrastinating doing notes. boo on me. I'll be quick though! 5min at the max. I have no idea what has sparked this. Maybe I'll think in a min and it'll come to me but I decided to try the ABC diet. As of today, the 500cal limit was met with possible room? Not quiet sure. I had this weird sandwich (90cal) A few carrots (10cal?) bag o' chips (130cal) vegetables (100cal) soup (100-120cal) some ham and lettuce (30-60cal) and I think that's it. so yeah. aha. it's cool. I love diet lipton ice tea. I think I started it because I was getting stomach aches and it always would hurt sometime after I ate. so... if I ever lose too much weight I'm blaming it on that. I have a stomach disease mwahaha. I have a ton of studying to do and sort of a busy weekend. I hope I do alrighty.

(: do good girls -Audri