quick

Just a quick post cause I should really be getting to bed. I've been busier so that's my reason for not blogging. Food has taken a back burner. So has Japanese, relaxation, cleaning and general other things. School consumes kids. I need to get more organized. But other then that I think I'm doing alrighty. I'm feeling better about Jose. Not like any of you need to know this but we, as you say, made love the other day. He's been seeming more normal and lovey and actually wanting of my presence. Which is very very good. I think I'm doing alright of showing him that I'll always be here. Cause I love him. No matter if I see him everyday or once a week. I'll do what makes him happy. I understand that he will be busy and I will try my darnedest to not get in the way of things or make him stressed. We can make it, I know it.

Other then that nothing much has been going on. Just life. I'm feeling better I think. I was in this funk. But things are getting better. I just needed a little bit of a change (:

btw I'm coloring my hair back to brown. x)

Love ya all -Audri

school... more or less

First day back to school. It was basically shit. I need my privileges so I can sit out in my car for an hour and fifteen min crying softly to myself. I already feel stressed. I'm too afraid to go out and get a job. I hate being a failure. I feel huge and stupid. Jose is idk. He's just.. trying to prove himself right I guess. Prove that he'll be too busy for me. That he will end up not wanting to deal with me. That I'll be too big of a stress in his life. Even though the shit we had last year, at least I had him. I could count on him being there. Now I just feel like a pain in the ass. My head hurts. Even that, why would I complain about that, well I can't even if I should or wanted to cause jose has a bigger one then I do.

ugh. and now I have to go and play happy go lucky trying to be perfect girlfriend and some how dry my eyes and clear my nose cause he's coming to get me. idk why. why can't he just get this pain over with so I don't have to deal with it anymore.

EDIT
Okay done and over with the whining, sorry, but to continue my post, I have more to tell. Still got the headache. Jose is sleeping, i'm outside working on homework and stuff.
Food intake: Peanut Butter toast. A few carrots. Fruit Cup. I think that's it? yeah so like 400cal or less. cool. Whatever. Dinner I have no idea. So yeah.

First day I guess wasn't as bad as I'm making it seem. I have good classes. The hard ones are the ones I'm generally interested in. So it's less of a chore. People in my classes are fine. Everything's fine. Okay I'm starting to get hungry now, boo, hour or so till dinner, I'll hold off. Not sure what else to write so yes. So long.

Blond

I'm currently in the process of dying my hair blond. It will either look retarded or beautiful. I'm hoping the latter. And that Jose likes it. I feel that it might be some like revelation in my life. Like that I'll be this brand new person and people at school will like me and I'll become popular and I'll be more adventurous and my boyfriend will be proud to be with me. rah. I need a change. I sure hope that it will turn out good. Cause I mean it's more then just hair. Like if it fails, it's no big deal and life will continue as normal. But if not, this could be semi-life changing.

What am I talking about I'm blowing it out of proportion lol x) but whateva! I haven't really thought about eating or counting calories or looking at scales (mainly cause I'm afraid) or even exercising. The exercise part I want to get back to cause I just noticed I have more definition in my legs and my calves actually have some muscle in them. It's kinda cool.

I'm going back to school in... 4 days? this Wednesday. It's supper scary. I'm completely planned out though. I know where I gotta go, know where my locker is, got my combo, know some people in my classes, know where I'm goin for lunch. I sure hope it will be a good year. I plan to grow up a bit, actually, scratch that. I hope to stay about the same in maturity but learn to have fun and let loose and be a dork. gain some self-confidence, just generally become a better me. I need that. I'm a litter scattered right now and I just need to bring all my good qualities all into one.

So I wish you girls all the best with whatever you're dealing with right now. If you're in a low, don't worry, you'll get through it. And if you're at a high, don't take it for granted! Be happy and love life no matter what's going on! Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to change things around.

"Forget Regret."

Maybe I should get a tattoo of that. x)

I know I'm crazy, but being positive is nice.

-Audri