Break

We're calling it quits for a while.
me and Jose.
I'm not happy at all about it.
I feel empty.
I have physical symptoms of pain which I find peculiar. They say old people die after their significant other has purely of their heart stopping. I believe it. They can't handle it. Sometimes I feel like it too.
I just love that man.
Like these days where I knew where it was coming. I can't stop thinking about how I still believe that he's the most beautiful person I've ever known. He's so great on so many levels.
I don't know what's been up with him.
Part of it is my fault.
He feels like part of it is his fault.
I'm afraid that something else has been wrong. Something else has been happening.

I don't know.

We're keeping things open though.
He still wants to be friends cause I mean... we are best friends.
If anything I want that.
I mean.. I half feel like his mom, sometimes I feel like I care more about him then his actual mom.
Maybe that's a thing wrong with me.. he's not used to it.
Bah.
I have no idea.

My nose it getting pretty raw.
I'm not going to school tomorrow.
Need to catch up on homework.
Fuck it.
It would look good if I got my notes done and gave them to my teacher at the end of the day.
Lets see how that goes...
I need to stop by anyways afterward to get homework.

....
I just gotta keep telling myself, I want him to be happy, that's part of love.

I think he'd be proud of me if I got my act together a bit more and got a job.
Also if I did more things for myself.
I'll start trying to learn Japanese again.
If I can.

I don't know.

I'm so scared I'll turn to bones.