Pretty

I want to feel pretty again.
But I don't want to be obsessive again. I'm afraid of that. humph. d:

Yesterday me and Jose had a nice night. We made love and went to Macaroni Grill. I had pizza, it was yummy. He had this to die for lobster ravioli. I tried some of it, so good. And we shared chocolate cake. I don't want to think of the numbers. We went home and cuddled. It was nice. I miss it. But I think he enjoyed himself too. And he probably had a nice time after I went home playing video games and such. Sometimes I get worried but I think it's a good thing we're kind of keeping things apart. I'm not crowding him or anything and I can get my stuff done too. It's working good. It has to.

I'm skipping school today because today is pointless. I need to go and get homework after school though.

I should probably get myself ready for the day. I've been lazy and playing games. I want to at least practice my German and do the homework that I can. I guess I'm going to get my shot too sometime today. ugh. I don't want to be crazy. I wish it didn't do that to me. I almost wish that I could lock Jose into being with me by getting pregnant. But that would be beyond cruel. IT might not be what's happy for him. And I couldn't pull that off.

Blah. idk.

For college I guess I'll stay home for a year to make my mom happy and stop all this stress. But that means I need to get a job. It would make Jose happy. And when Jose is happy, I'm happy. And I'll be able to pay for things more. I still have a craving for Chipotle.

I'm waiting to be really thin till later. I just can't think about it right now.