Like really?

My life basically has been turned up-side-down.

Jose - We have come to the realization that we need to end our relationship sometime before college because it just won't work or something like that.
.... It makes me cry.
But.. I understand. And I have the belief that if we are truly meant to be together then one day life will throw us back together.
So basically all I want is to keep the status, as of now, the same. I want to enjoy the comfort he gives me. I want to give him everything he ever could want. I want to give him the room he needs and not be naggy to see him. If we aren't happy just being almost "friends with benefits" then it can stop with a few simple words. Of course my rules still stand. But things will be loose. I won't bug him. I won't need to see him all the time. He can hang out with friends. Things will be good. That's all I want. I want things to be good and for me to be happy until the end of my senior year. I'll take the summer to cry to myself everyday and be filled with anger. I'll take the summer to realize I need to take my life over and make myself happy, and don't rely on others.
Is that so hard to ask for?

College - I have officially decided (I forget if I've said this before, apologies) that I will go out of state for college. Unless for some strange reason Jose changes his mind. But being realistic, probably won't happen. (I might just send out some applications for in-state colleges just in case....) It's time to move. I'm pretty sure I'm one of those people who will need to constantly change scenery. In my childhood I changed schools 5 times. And now I need to do it again.

Family - I've learned some things about my family that I hate to say and am basically ashamed of. My parents are going to officially separate. The moment my mom can get a job after the bankruptcy is finished he's going to move out. I've basically have been lied to my whole life. I never caught on. I guess I also appreciate that I never knew until now, since I'm older and more mature, but it still kinda is just like. geez. My dad has have a drug problem on and off basically since he was a young teen. My mom quit before my memory had started to form. They are both alcoholics. I already knew this but it's just an added bonus. My dad has probably cheated on my mom multiple times. They have not told me but, I can piece at least that together. It really makes me scared. If I never even knew the difference between my own father being sober or drunk/stoned then how could I have ever realized it on anybody else? ugh. My aunt is his supplier. My cousin is trapped in the same cycle as them. My grandma is pretty revealing when she's drunk. I hate the fact that she just assumes that I'm another stupid teen that'll fuck up their life with alcohol and drugs. "put a little beer in it, we won't say nothing." Fucking cunt. It's like I'm the lone white sheep in the family. I just want to get away.

School - I need to keep studying. I hope I can manage a B in AP US. I need to work on my German. There is no reason for me to not get an A in that class. And that's basically what I'll be doing this weekend.

Stupid pimples. I hate stress. I'm probably about the same weight. The food groove is good right now.